Monday, September 28, 2009

"Mommy, I'm Scared"

"Mommy, I'm scared, can I sleep with you tonight?" Do you ever hear those words at your house? I've heard them 3 times already tonight. I'm an old softy and want to say "Sure baby!" This is not because I am the  gentler, caring parent, or even because I am mommy. It is because I too struggled with fear for most of my life. I totally get it! I can remember being a very little girl and waking during the night afraid and the longer I laid there, the more noises I heard and the more afraid I became until I was confident that there was an entire army of "bad guys" lurking outside my bedroom, waiting to do away with me. This fear carried over into teenage years as I walked in fear day and night. Even as an adult I have struggled with fear. I have feared the loss of a loved one, the loss of a child, the loss of my husband, car wrecks, running out of money, those I love hurting me, losing a job, poor health, the dark and even mice and roaches. Fear has consumed my life for many years. I do not boast in this statement or say it with pride, but with much regret, as I have wasted many precious days "worrying" and "afraid" over the things in life that are what we like to call the "what ifs." My precious Matthew reminded me last year as I said, "I am afraid and worried about..." "Mommy, to think this way is to dwell on the "what ifs" of life and that is the same as worry and the Bible says not to worry. It also says in Philippians 4:8 "Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable if anything is excellent or praiseworthy think about such things." So mommy, think on the things that are true and you will not be afraid or worry." Now, I know what you are thinking. You are thinking the same thing I was thinking, "WOW." He is 10 and he totally gets it. I stood that day before my son humbled as I heard his words and took them to heart. It was that day that the Lord began a process in my life of being obedient in the area of worry thus claiming the victory in that area. I began to wake up each morning and say "Ok God what do you have for me today." I began to trust Him because of what he has done and I began to replace those worries with promises from His word. "Taking captive those thoughts and making them obedient to Christ." For some reason this was easier in other sin areas of my life. I never really saw my "Fear" as a sin. I saw it as a "struggle." Using my gift of justification I reasoned that there was a difference between a sin and a struggle. God began to show me that there was NO difference. They both broke His heart. This is what my fear was communicating to God  "God, I don't think you are big enough to handle this." Now, I would never have verbally said that, yet with my actions and the attitude of my heart I spoke those words loudly each day, thus grieving the heart of my savior. He hung on the cross to conquer our sins. Two of these sins being fear and worry. My friend, what is your fear today? What are you fretting and worrying over? What do you lay awake stressing over at night? Is your God big enough to handle it? Did He die to conquer it? I encourage you to do today what it took me 36 years to do. Recognize that worry and fear are sins, confess them before a loving Father, be obedient to trust Him in all things and walk in victory! It is the most freeing, trusting, light place to be. I walk lighter each day. I walk in confidence knowing that I am no longer in control (never was, just thought I was) He is! Lay those fears and worries at the foot of the cross. Rest in His loving arms and as you dwell in His presence you will never again have to say..."Father, I'm scared."

Amy Carmichael "If I covet any place on earth, but the dust at the foot of the cross, then I know nothing of Calvary love."

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