Children grow up
playing hide and seek, school and house and while I played all
of these things as a child, I also played church. My brother was on the piano
and I often had “a word from the Lord” for the dolls, stuffed animals and
pretend congregations that filled the living room. When you grow up as a PK
(preacher’s kid) you mimic what you see. I loved playing church. I loved
picking out worship songs, greeting church members, praying with them, and teaching
them the word of God. It came as no real shock when at the age of 15 I felt the
Lord calling me into ministry. At that time, I wasn’t exactly sure how that
would look but marrying a pastor was certainly part of my dream.
The life of
pastors and politicians have been referred to as fish bowl lives because every
move you make is under scrutiny and being examined with a microscope. As a
child, I don’t remember living in a fish bowl. I am sure we did, but my parents
did a good job shielding us for the criticism and the opinions of onlookers. I
have extremely fond memories of growing up as a PK. We experienced baptisms in
the bathtub, impromptu prayer meetings in the den, missionaries as guests and
revivals where we witnessed the life changing power of Jesus Christ. As an adult, I am now aware of the many, many
fingerprints and the tapping that occurred on the fish bowl of my childhood but
the memories are not negative.
At the age of 22
I met a man who was called into ministry and the Lord in his sovereignty joined
our hearts and our visions in ministry and matrimony. I soon found myself the
wife of a pastor, a stay at home mom to 4 boys, driving a mini-van and living
the dream. And truly most days were just that, a dream come true, but the
reality of the ministry life is that we are living in a fish bowl. Every
action, every word, every purchase, every vacation, every part of your life is
being watched as those inside the church and those outside the church press
their noses to the glass to watch. Sometimes that fish bowl feels very cramped
and I long to swim in the open ocean far away from the view of onlookers. This
longing is not born out of a need to do anything that is hidden, for all that I
do is seen by my Savior and it is him I live to please, but I have days that
the critical eyes and the piercing words are too much to bare. I am sure that
it happens in other areas of life but I have never told my doctor how to do his
job. Why? Because I am not a doctor. I have never shared my opinion of flying
with a pilot and I certainly don’t tell our accountant how to do our taxes. I
have never had the opportunity to vote on the pay or vacation time of a lawyer
and truthfully if he wants to buy a new car or wear shoes that aren’t polished
that is up to him. In ministry, there are so many that take an interest in
every movement that occurs in the fish bowl. They can swim better, hide better,
breathe better, interact with the other fish better and yet they have never
spent one day in the fish bowl or even underwater. If you are in ministry you
know the exact fingerprints I am referring to. Now before I get accused of
sounding bitter or angry in ministry let me change directions. Yes, there are
those rare days when I want to escape the fish bowl, but the Lord has been
molding and shaping my heart and teaching me how to “Embrace the fingerprints
on the fish bowl.”
Embrace has been
defined as holding closely as a sign of affection. It is the picture of
enthusiastically and willingly clasping to your bosom that which you want to
take to heart. When you embrace you accept wholeheartedly what is being
offered. To embrace the fingerprints on the fish bowl is to welcome and accept
the impressions of others, their mark on your life, their touch and even their
peculiarities. In ministry, we are privileged to encounter many personalities
and even more peculiarities. Embracing those differences is to welcome them and
ask the Lord how He wants to use those people and their fingerprints or
impressions on your life to make you more like Him. Our goal is to become more
like Jesus each and every day. Just as
Paul said, “I want to know Christ, to
know the power of his resurrection and participation in his suffering, becoming
like him in his death and so, somehow, attaining to the resurrection from the
dead.” Philippians 3:10-11 we too should desire to know Jesus in every
aspect of His being. Sometimes the fingerprints are impressions left there by
those who want to see how they can bless you and enrich your life while others
are there to critic and condemn, but if received with the right heart those
impressions can also be blessings. It is through those hard times that we learn
how to love as Christ loved and He uses those trials of the heart to make us
more like Himself.
All of mankind
consists of broken people. That is why ministry is necessary. Without the
brokenness caused by our sin, we would have no need for the redemption of a
Savior. We minister to share the good news of the gospel of Jesus Christ. We
minister to proclaim His love and His message and didn’t He love the unlovable?
Even me? I don’t press my nose against others fish bowls very often, rarely do
I even peer into the glass, sometimes because of the lack of transparency but
mostly because “my opinion of you is none of your business.” My “opinion” of
you honestly doesn’t matter, but HIS opinion of you does. Since HE is the only
one who matters, my one and only goal is to point you to Jesus. When you know
Jesus, you know Truth. When you live according to the truth and live to please
an audience of ONE, then it doesn’t matter who is peering in your bowl because
HIS opinion is the only one that matters.
It has taken
many years, but I have learned to embrace each unique and peculiar fingerprint.
I have learned to trace the individual impression that each identifying mark
leaves behind and ask the Lord, “What were you teaching me with this one? And how
can I become more like you because of this one?” I have developed a heart of
gratitude (most days) as I realize that each marking, unique to the individual,
were all a part of my sanctification process. The more fingerprints, the more
opportunities to grow and allow the Lord to purify my heart. Some days I would
like to cry out, “Are you done yet?” but I know the answer before the question
is fully formed. “No, not yet.” And that
will continue to be the answer until the Lord Jesus returns to call me home to
Heaven.
I don’t know
where you are today. Maybe you are in the ministry and weary of all the
fingerprints, maybe you serve the Lord in another area and the criticism is too
much to bare or maybe you aren’t involved in ministry, yet you feel like the
fish bowl of your life has become an observation deck, take heart today and ask
the Lord how He could use each fingerprint, each pressed nose and each on
looking eye to show you more of Himself. Usually people stop looking in the
fish bowl when the fish are belly up. If they are looking it means there is still
something to see and your life can be a beautiful testimony of a life lived,
molded and shaped to bring glory and honor to the King of Kings and the Lord of
Lords.
I Thessalonians 2:8 "So we cared for you. Because we loved you so much, we were delighted to share with you not only the gospel of God but our lives as well."
