"If He is my provider then why do I work so hard?"

Do you ever look at the bottom line of the checkbook and wonder how you will ever be able to pay all those bills? Do you ever feel like you work and work and accomplish nothing more than spinning that hamster wheel just a little faster? Do you ever become discouraged and have trouble seeing God's hand of provision through all the tears? I struggle with all of these things. I know that He is Jehovah Jireh my provider. I know that He supplies all of my needs according to His glorious riches, but sometimes His provision comes in different ways than I expect. God has been changing the way I view His provision. I often walk to the mailbox hoping to find His provision in the form of a large check signed GOD. In my mind dollar signs will fix it all and that would be His hand of provision. Last week the Lord revealed to me that HE is Jehovah Jireh our provider and He provides according to His will. Sometimes that comes through providing strength to work harder. He provides self-control to do without those things we think we need. He provides opportunities for us to sacrifice and give of ourselves. He promises to provide, and somehow we have defined that provision with the things of this world. The things that truly don't matter. The things that one day will pass away. We are investing in the provision of the temporal when He is calling us to invest in the eternal. His word tells us that if we have food and clothing we will be content with that. I Timothy 6:8 "But if we have food and clothing, we will be content with that." Well, that must have been for the people of His day. There is no way He would expect us to be content with just food and clothing. Right? Matthew 8:20 says "Foxes have holes and birds have nest, but the son of man has no place to lay his head." We are called to be followers of Jesus Christ and He was content with no place to lay His head. He was not seeking worldly provision. How can we say we are following Him when we seek the things of this world more than we seek Him? Don't get me wrong, I fully believe that every good and perfect gift comes down from above. I believe that He provides monetarily and provides the things of this world that we need. I am just being very honest in telling you that there are times I stomp my feet, cry and even question..."If He is Jehovah Jireh our provider then why do we have to work so hard?" My precious husband works very hard and works multiple jobs to provide for his family. I get angry about that sometimes. I don't know who I am really angry with, but I am. I have been known to say to my heavenly Father..."If you are Jehovah Jireh our provider then why is Matt the one working so hard and going without sleep?" Go ahead and gasp. I know it was a horrid thing to pray and showed a real lack of faith, but I'm being as transparent as I know how to be. I was sharing these feelings with my husband one day and He said..."I never question God's hand of provision in my life. He says he will provide and He does and He is. He is providing me with the energy to work this hard. He provides me with strength. He provides me with opportunities to grow more like Him and He is providing me with opportunities to depend completely on Him. He IS our provider." WOW and yes I know I am blessed to be married to this man!!! Conviction ensued and yet there are days when I still struggle with this. Just last week I was "worried" about the future. Do you ever do that? I have been known on occasion to worry about the unknown. I was sharing my heart with my Savior and He revealed a precious truth to me. "My precious daughter, how can you still doubt my hand of provision in your life when I have provided the greatest provision of all. I sent my son. I HAVE PROVIDED!!" My heart broke. How could I doubt that he would provide something so simple as dollar signs when He provided a substitute for my sin? How could I doubt His hand of provision when He sent His ONLY son to die in order to provide? What kind of faith must I have? I am doubting the creator of this universe, the one who spoke and brought it all into existence. The words keep ringing in my ears...I HAVE PROVIDED, I HAVE PROVIDED!! If he chose to never provide another thing HE HAS PROVIDED!!! May I NEVER doubt His hand again. By doubting His hand, I am doubting His love and what greater love could there be than to sacrifice your son and not just give Him up, but watch Him be crucified, watch Him suffer, watch Him bleed and watch Him die. He is Jehovah Jireh our provider!!! May we live as though we believe this.

"Treasure In Heaven" (Part 2)

I have learned over the years that God blesses us because He loves us and He is a loving Father, but He also showers us with blessings in order to mold us and shape us and use the blessings to conform us into His image. I thankfully received the blessing of the van and I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that it was a gift from God, but over the last year I have had to learn some really hard lessons that should not have been hard. We got the van the first week of July and the first event we drove the van to was our family 4th of July celebration. I made a strawberry pie that apparently was not set well and my husband placed it in the floorboard of the back of the van. When we arrived it had sloshed into a big puddle in the floor of this 1 week old van and I lost it. I was not a blessing to my husband, to my children and needless to say there was no godliness or patriotism expressed through my attitude that day. Oxi-clean came to the rescue and all was well, but this was the beginning of understanding this is a temporal blessing that will pass away one day. Now don't get me wrong, we need to be good stewards of our blessings, but if being a good steward means crying and snapping your husband's head off, then it becomes a choice to value possessions over people. About 3 months ago I came out of Walmart and had a big ding in the driver's side door. Needless to say, I was upset and vowed to never shop a Walmart again, or until I needed more laundry detergent. 1 month ago we were in Maplesville at a Homecoming service and we were visiting with some friends when I hear Jacob say look mommy and I hear scraping. He had picked up 2 small rocks and was creating his masterpiece on the side of the van. Thankfully, he does not know the meaning of elbow grease and the light scratches buffed out easily. The one that sent me over the final edge was 2 weeks ago when I walked out of Target and from the giant red ball I could see a long white scratch down the side of my van. I stopped in my tracks and said, "What in the world?" I called Matt saying that the van had been keyed and I was going to summons the surveillance cameras at Target, call the police and find who did this and they were going to pay for the damage. My loving husband calmed me down and said, "It is just a car. It is not worth loosing your peace over. You won't accomplish anything by doing all of that. We will take care of it." After returning home, Matt inspected the damage and said he did not think it had been keyed, but instead it looked like someone had been squeezing through and a purse, a belt or a stroller had scraped the side. That day God finally got my attention and showed me that He had given this blessing to me and yes I was to be a good steward of it, but not to hold it too closely or my blessing would rob me of my joy and contentment and become a source of stress and worry. The Lord has continued to encourage me to store up treasures in heaven and as Matt would say, "Send it on ahead." As we store up treasure in heaven where moth and rust and strawberry pie and rocks and keys cannot destroy, we have the assurance of knowing that we are placing our treasures in the hand of one who is a much better steward than we are and who will multiply and flourish those treasures. Matthew 6:19-21 "Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven where moth and rust do not destroy and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also."  Where is your treasure today? See where your treasure is and there you will find your heart. I am thankful for the blessing of my van, but it is no longer where my heart is. I will continue to wash, vacuum and Armor All and care for this blessing, but by the grace of God I will never again loose my peace over that which is a treasure of earth.

"Treasures In Heaven" (Part I)

Last year we knew it was "time" for me to have a new van. My old one was dying a slow and certain death and was not a reliable car for the boys and I. Matt and I had prayed for many months about this decision and Mr. Budget ( I say this with no sarcasm, but great appreciation) had it all figured out. I thought my heart's desire was a suburban. It would seat 9 and had lots of trunk space for soccer balls, strollers, soccer chairs and groceries. We looked high and low for a suburban, but never felt the peace we knew we needed to make such a decision. After my cancer treatment last summer we had to spend 5 days away from the boys for their safety. We went to South Carolina to spend some time with Matt's folks and probably put over 300 miles on their truck looking for a new vehicle. The first night we were looking, I sat in a Honda Odyssey convinced I did not want another van. After looking at this van I was in love. Skeptical that it would be within budget we went the next morning to talk with the dealer about the possibility of buying this new "dream car." Just as we suspected they looked at the bottom line of our car budget and politely laughed and told us their was "NO WAY!" We left disappointed, but also as two realistic individuals. (Well maybe 1 1/2 realistic individuals.) We continued looking and have many funny car salesmen stories that I will spare you, but that might produce a funny Dumb and Dumber style comedy one day. The next morning Matt went golfing and I slept in. When I awoke the Lord led me to these verses. Luke 18:2-5 "In a certain town there was a judge who neither feared God nor cared about men. And there was a widow in that town who kept coming to him with a plea, 'Grant me justice against my adversary.' For some time he refused. But finally he said to himself, 'Even though I don't fear God or care about men, yet because this widow keeps bothering me, I will see that she gets justice, so that she won't eventually wear me out with her coming!" "Interesting!" I thought, but I knew what the Lord wanted us to do. We had to go back to the Honda place. Matt called and said, "So what are you thinking about our car search this morning." I shared with him my scripture and my crazy plan to be laughed at again. The Lord was leading him to so the same thing. So we walked back into the Honda dealership and said, "You may laugh at us again today, but we are Christians and the Lord keeps laying on our hearts the parable of the persistent widow and we really feel like the Lord wants us to come back in and inquire about this van again." He did not laugh, but instead said, "Well, your chances are better today than they were yesterday because we have to move 14 vans before Monday." We sat down again and to make this already long story shorter...We left with my "dream van." They were able to meet our budget within literally a few dollars. We could have let pride stand in our way of asking and being laughed at again, but our God is in the business of making the impossible, possible. He spoke to both of our hearts separately and we obeyed together and the reward was the desire of my heart. I know it is just a car, but imagine if God cares that much about metal, nuts and bolts how much more He cares about the other details of our lives like the salvation of friends and family, the healing of your physical body or that of a child  and the spiritual health of overcoming strongholds in your life. Be that persistent widow. Keep asking. Keep knocking and listen to the Lord as He speaks to your heart and obey. Tomorrow I will share more with you about the lessons God had in store with me through this new blessing of  "my van."