As I was cleaning out my bedroom drawers Joshua found a notebook and decided to claim it as his 'diary." In his adorable, grown-up voice he said, "I am going to go write in my diary." To which Jacob replies, "Ooooohhh gross, we are not allowed to write in our diarrhea. Are we mommy?" The funniest part was that he said 'Are we mommy?' in such a way that he would have considered the possibility if he thought it would be ok. I began to think about diaries and the purposes behind them and realized that Jacob was not too far off. Most of the time diaries serve the purpose of being a book full of diarrhea of the heart. Don't get me wrong, I am not against journaling, but diaries are often used to vent or to record feeling and thoughts that are not Godly. For some reason we think if we write it instead of say it then it is ok to speak words of anger and untruth. I have been guilty of this. I use to have a "journal" and realized that it was not a prayer journal or a blessings book or even a record of life events, but it became an angry journal. Every time I was frustrated or ill with someone I would write in my "journal." Sometimes as a prayer and other times as an angry letter full of empty threats. I became convicted that just because I was angry it did not give me the right to pour forth every angry thought and feeling. God instructs us in scripture to "Take captive every thought and make it obedient to Christ." We are not to take the thoughts captive in a notebook with a lock and key. Just because they are under lock and key it does not mean they are obedient. We are to think the way Christ himself would have thought. Philippians 4:8 says "Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable if anything is excellent or praiseworthy think about such things." What a wonderful guide of obedience for our thought life. Psalm 62:8 "Trust in him at all times, O people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge." God wants us to pour out our hearts to Him. He wants to know and hear the deepest thoughts and desires of our heart. So often we take refuge in "feeling better" because we "got it off our chest" by writing it down. Just to be clear, I am not anti-journaling or anti-diary. I am just convicted that we should use them correctly. We should use them to encourage us in our walk with Christ and to draw us into His presence and into a place of thanksgiving. When I read back over journals I have kept in the past I am often taken back to those places and I become angry again and sinful thoughts and feelings resurface. God is a God of healing and forgiveness. When I lay it at His feet and walk away then I can leave it with Him and the healing process can begin. When I re-read it I re-live it and the healing process keeps getting re-infected. I have made a commitment to pour my heart out to the Lord and to use my journal as an avenue for praise, encouragement and a reminder of blessings. As I focus on Him and His greatness, I have no room for anger or self-pity. As I continue to focus on Him and His character I cannot live in discouragement or fear or even the anger of the past. He is an awesome God and we must praise Him. When I am gone and the journals of my life are stacked up for my loved ones to read and remember my life, I want them to see a life full of praise and encouragement. I want them to see a woman who loved the Lord Jesus Christ with all her heart. I do not want them to read volume after volume of diarrhea of the heart.
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