"I Got Nothing"

"I got nothing!" Have you ever felt that way? A little while back we were praying as a family. You know...Mommy starts, then Matthew, then Joshua, then Caleb, Jacob mimics a little and then Daddy closes. That is if everyone can make it around without giggling, talking, or having a bodily function slip out which then erupts in laughter. Usually we do pretty good, but some nights it is more comedic than anything. This particular night everyone was paying attention, holding hands and really focusing on the Lord. I prayed my long (word quota for the day, as Matt calls it) prayer, Matthew his serious, (convict us all) prayer and Joshua his sweet, (the world is beautiful and shiny and we all love Jesus) prayer and then it was Caleb's turn. We all sat waiting for Caleb, hoping that God was really working in him during the silence and waiting to receive a blessing and then we hear..."I got nothing!" The other boys thought this was hilarious and of course Jacob mimicked..."I dot notin!"

I have had days when "I got nothing!" Do you ever feel that way? Do you ever approach the throne, but in your heart you got nothing? Maybe you have been waiting a long time for a request to be answered and you are becoming weary. Maybe you have been so busy you have been out of the daily discipline of talking to God. Maybe you have some things in your life that you are holding on so tightly to that you are terrified to truly approach your Father. Maybe the situation is so delicate that you truly do not even know how to pray. Whatever the case, at some time we have all been there. "God, I got nothing!" Romans 8:26 "In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express." God knew we would have those "I got nothing" days. What should we do? We go before Him anyway and we tell Him..."God, I am weary, I got nothing and I am relying on your Spirit to help me in my weakness." What a comfort it is to know that even though "I got nothing" God has and knows it ALL! I REST in that!

"Hold My Face"

"Jacob, Hold my face!" We have done this with all of our children, but Jacob is 2 1/2 so it is most fresh on my mind with him. When we are speaking to our young children and we want their full attention (which is most of the time) we ask them to "hold my face." The reason for them holding our face verses me holding theirs, is an act of submission on their part to my authority. I want eye contact, full attention and a heart of obedience. I know what you are thinking...he is 2...he doesn't get it!! Maybe he does or maybe he doesn't, but it is practicing the discipline of "listening to mommy" with full submission and attention. OK, enough of the technicals!

We have been asking Jacob since he was about 12 months to "hold my face" and now when I say, "Hey Jacob, can I tell you something." He responds with "Yes, Ma'am mommy" as he runs over and puts both hands on my cheeks. I LOVE IT! I don't even have to ask anymore. It is so cute, because he does this with other adults as well. (Some have no idea why this kid is grabbing their face, but he is paying attention.)

I was thinking about this last night after he voluntarily "held my face" and I realized that God desires from us that same act of heart submission. Sometimes God holds my face and he gets my attention. Sometimes he forces me to place my attention on Him. This is usually not a pleasent encounter, but more an act of discipline. However, when I run to Him and say "Yes, Sir, Abba, Father, Daddy, God" and I "Hold His face" and I submit ALL of my attention to Him and what He has to say, I leave having experienced a precious time with my Father. Sometimes I can be an active, distracted, disobedient child. I desire to have a heart that is submissive and obedient to my Savior. I desire to be a child that honors, respects and brings my Savior joy as He delights in my obedience. I pray that I will run to Him, that I will dwell with FULL attention is His presence so that my Father does not have to say..."HOLD MY FACE."

I Chronicles 16:11 "Look to the Lord and His strength; seek His face always."

Psalm 27:8 "My heart says of you 'Seek his face!' Your face, Lord, I will seek."

"Singing Myself to Sleep"

Matthew sneezes, his eyes swell shut, they itch, they burn, he wheezes, he coughs, he can't breathe, his eyelids look like 2 lizard skins. Having a puppy, rolling in the grass, sitting by a bonfire and swimming are all things that a normal 10 year boy loves to do and can do with little repercussion. We learned very early that Matthew is not "normal." He says he is not "normal" and he is ok with that. He does not desire to be "normal." He refers to all of these allergies and health issues as the "thorn in his flesh." Don't get me wrong, we have all prayed that the Lord would take them away and that he could cease taking the 5 prescription drugs that he takes just to get through the day without being totally miserable. But, Matthew's attitude towards this is "Paul had a thorn in his flesh, so why not me?"

(Ok at this point you might want to reach for a tissue because this is where I have trouble holding it together.) Monday night Matthew was having some really severe allergy issues with his eyes and he was not feeling well. We talked again about God's purposes and how He works out all things for our good and His glory. Feeling a little defeated spiritually and physically miserable, he asked if he could sleep in our room because he was having trouble falling asleep. Being the old softy that I am I was just about ready to scoop up his bedding when I hear from Daddy's voice in the other room..."You will be fine, just sleep in your own bed tonight." So to honor daddy, I tucked him in and went about my nightly duties. I went to check on the boys and everyone was asleep, but Matthew. As I walked past his room this is what I heard, in his precious, tone deaf, off key, whisper of a little boys voice..."How can I keep from singing Your praise?How can I ever say enough?How amazing is Your love?How can I keep from shouting Your name?I know I am loved by the King And it makes my heart want to sing" Tears began to stream from my eyes and I froze and listened to this precious young man sing praises to Jesus until he fell asleep. He didn't lay awake questioning why him? He did not cry or sulk or worry about tomorrow or wonder what his next allergy attack would hold. HE PRAISED! "How can I keep from singing your praise?" God used this incredible young man of God, who I am privileged to call my son, to remind me to praise Him in ALL circumstances. How many of us fall asleep in the presence of our Saviour, filling His heart with praise and thanksgiving, Giving Him Glory! So often my nights are filled with thoughts such as (are all the dishes done? are the backpacks ready? did I start the dishwasher? what am I fixing for breakfast tomorrow? how will we ever make it through tomorrow? God, how are we already out of money only 10 days after payday?) I am falling asleep in the presence of frantic worry, mundane chore list and occasional turmoil. I want to fall asleep like Matthew. I want to fall asleep in the presence of the one who gave His life for me. I want His praise to be in my heart. I want to be in the habit of "Praising and Singing Myself to Sleep."

Psalms 47:6-7 "Sing praises to God, sing praises to our King, sing praises. For God is the King of all the earth; sing to him a psalm of praise."

Please read the rest of Matthew's song and be blessed.

Chris Tomlin "How Can I Keep From Singing?" (To listen, scroll down to playlist and press the play button.)

There is an endless song, Echoes in my soul, I hear the music ring

And though storms may come, I am holding on, To the rock I cling

How can I keep from singing Your praise? How can I ever say enough? How amazing is Your love?

How can I keep from shouting Your name? I know I am loved by the King And it makes my heart want to sing.

I will lift my eyes, In the darkest night, For I know my Savior lives.

And I will walk with You, Knowing You see me through, And sing the songs You give.

How can I keep from singing Your praise? How can I ever say enough? How amazing is Your love?

How can I keep from shouting Your name? I know I am loved by the King And it makes my heart want to sing

I can sing in the troubled times,Sing when I win, I can sing when I lose my step, And I fall down again,

I can sing 'cause You pick me up, Sing 'cause You're there, I can sing 'cause You hear me, Lord

When I call to You in prayer, I can sing with my last breath, Sing for I know, That I'll sing with the angels

And the saints around the throne.

How can I keep from singing Your praise? How can I ever say enough? How amazing is Your love?

How can I keep from shouting Your name? I know I am loved by the King, And it makes my heart want to sing.

"I 'W'isten a 'W'ot!" (aka - "I Listen a Lot")

Joshua started kindergarten a few weeks ago and he loves it! Can't you tell by the picture? The only part he does not like is being away from me. (I've trained my boys well!) Last night as we were sitting around the table as a family having dinner, (do not applaud, it doesn't happen as often as we would like, but we try) Joshua began to tell us about his day.

"We have morning news and then we 'w'isten, we go to PE and then we 'w'isten, we have shared journal and then we 'w'isten, we go to lunch and then we 'w'isten. I 'w'isten a 'w'ot."
First of all I must address his adorable speech. I love his little voice and I told Matt and the boys that I never want it to change. To which Matthew replied, "It might sound funny for a 36 year old man to say I 'w'isten a 'w'ot." He is right!
His speech is not really what got my attention though. It was the fact that I realized I do not 'w'isten a 'w'ot. I have this idea that every ounce of air should be filled with noise. (Those of you who know me can stop laughing now!! STOP! And no more AMENS!) Even when I am talking to the Lord, I do not listen. I talk and talk and pray and pray and even pray throughout my day, but listening is harder. It requires silence and being still.

Psalms 46:10 "Be still and know that I am God."
Deuteronomy 30:19b-20 "Now choose life, so that you and your children may live and that you may Love the Lord your God, listen to his voice, and hold fast to him. For the Lord is your life."

"If" the Lord is my life (and I believe He is) then why do I not listen? I could come up with a lot of excuses. ( I just forget, I'm too tired, I'm too busy, I have too many little voices around me...) But, the truth is...I have never made it a discipline in my life. Joshua has an awesome, loving, patient, kindergarten teacher and she has taught these children the discipline of listening. I am 36 years old and I am still struggling with this discipline.

My Pappy taught me a poem when I was 2 years old. (I guess I struggled with talking too much and not listening even then.)
"There was a wise old owl who sat in an oak, the more he saw the less he spoke, the less he spoke, the more he heard, don't you wish you were like that wise old bird?"

I have also been told on several occasions, "I listen, but I don't hear anything." or "I listen, but I'm not sure if it is God or my thoughts." Both of these are good questions. What is the answer??
John 10:27 "My sheep listen to my voice; I know them and they follow me."
The answer...know your shepherd. The more we know Jesus, the more we are in His Word and the more we pray and listen, the better we will know His voice.

I want to be like that wise old bird, I want to be like my 5 year old son Joshua, I want to know my shepherd's voice. I want to desire the discipline of listening. I pray that I will learn to be silent in the presence of the Lord and receive all that he has for me. I pray that I will learn to 'w'isten a 'w'ot.

"Mowing My Pathway to Maturity"

Matthew is 10 years old. He says he is a "tween." Apparently that is when you are not a kid, but not a teenager so you are considered a "tween." He thinks that a "tween" is more mature and should be given responsibilities that are mature. He has been begging his daddy to let him learn how to mow the yard. I personally think it is a great idea. Less work for Matt and if Matthew enjoys it our yard will always stay nice and trim. (The only thing around here that is nice and trim, but this was not suppose to get personal.)

Yesterday Matt gave Matthew a lesson on how the machine works and Matthew was ready to go. Not Yet! Matt asked Matthew to go stand on the top of the deck and watch carefully. Matt made about 3 laps around the yard and then called Matthew down from the deck and instructed him to stay on the path.

"Matthew, do you see the path that I have marked out for you." Matt asked.

"Yes sir, I see it."

"Keep your left tire to the edge of that path and stay focused on the path and move ahead slowly."

"I've got it Daddy."

Matthew began to mow and the more confident he became, the faster he drove that lawn mower. Matt noticed that as he would go fast he would get off of the path and miss some spots. So Matt went running behind him and grabbed the speed adjuster stick (sure laugh, but what do you call it.) and he would slow the mower down. I'm watching from the deck (laughing hysterically at Matt trying to chase down the lawn mower, all the while calling Matthew's name which he could not hear over the mower.) and I noticed that Matthew didn't see his daddy do this. He looked around shocked as to why his mower was slowing down on its own, so he cranked her up again. (Not literally, that's southern, redneck talk for "made the machine accelerate.") He was going along fast, happy and oblivious to the path he was now off of and the mess he was leaving behind. Matt stopped him and ask him to go and look from the deck again. When he got up there he said, "Wow, I can see the path from up here and I was way off. OK, now I know what to do." He returned to the job, kept the mower slow and mowed his way into a new responsibility.

As I watched this father - son lesson I began to realize that Our Father had an even greater lesson for Matthew and for me and maybe for you.

Psalms 25:4 "Show me your ways oh Lord, teach me your paths."

Proverbs 3:5-6 "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding, acknowledge him in all your ways and he will make your path straight."

Just as Matthew has a father that will lovingly teach him and mark out a path for him to follow, so we too have a Father who has marked out a path for us to follow. Matthew was instructed to stay on the path and go slow. We have been told to trust in the Lord and lean not on our own understanding. I find that when I am leaning on Him and listening to understand His ways, I walk by faith and I walk slow. When I am selfishly clinging to my understanding, I get cocky and go too fast and usually mess up and fall. I am so glad that like Matthew, I have a father that runs after me to say, "Wait, watch this again, here is the path, stay on it." God is so patient with us. I pray that as we are "mowing our pathway to maturity" we would stay on the path, welcome instruction and receive rebuke so that we would stay on the straight path.

"Blessings From My Boys"

We have had a really crazy weekend. Matt golfed on Thursday. We fished as a family on Friday and had a bonfire. Matt fished with my dad and his dad on Saturday and then we tailgated on Saturday and Matt went to the game. Now, I know what you are thinking right now, "Wow, Monica you are such an incredible wife to bless your husband with so much fun time to himself." Stop, really!! I must tell you the truth, Matt never does anything fun for himself. He just happened to cram it all into the last three days. He deserved it! And, I think to qualify for the whole "incredible wife" thing, it would have required a wonderful attitude on my part. I had a great attitude on Thursday & Friday, but by the time Saturday arrived...let's just say my halo was beginning to tarnish to say the least. Anyway, I had 6 kids Saturday night, then cooked lunch for Sunday, got all 4 kids ready for church, we had friends over for lunch (which was an absolute blessing) but in the meantime my mountain of laundry was beginning to GROW & GROW! (Don't pretend you don't have a mountain in your laundry room.) I tried praying over it and "Saying to this mountain, move from here." But apparently my mustard seed faith was lacking. We woke up this Labor Day morning with the intent of cleaning house and doing yard work. (Thus Labor Day!) But, when no one had clean socks to wear so we could go outside, "IT WAS TIME." I cooked breakfast, we ate and then I decided to watch cartoons with Jacob for just a few minutes. 2 HOURS later when I woke up I found my mountain movers. Matt and the boys had been diligently working on laundry and now my mountain is just a couple of small mounds. I am so blessed to have a house full of boys who want to bless their Mommy. They have a really good teacher...aka "their daddy". Maybe they just needed clean socks, but I like to think of it as "Blessings from my boys."

"This Might Go a Little Better For Me"

I have this cozy chair beside my nightstand in the bedroom. When I need to relax and have a quiet moment I retreat there. It is also where I go to spend time with my Savior each day. Yesterday I sat down and I noticed the words "Hi Mom" engraved in the corner of my nightstand. I know that Jacob can't write, Joshua can't spell and Matthew would never..."CALEB!!" Yes, I yelled!

"Yes ma'am?" was his reply.

"Caleb, what is this on my nightstand?" I asked.

Making his adorable goofy face he said, "Just wanted to say hello. Do you like it?"

"Caleb, we do not write on furniture son."

"I knew I should have written 'you're the best mom ever!'"

"Buddy, its not what you wrote, but the fact that you wrote on my furniture."

"Yes ma'am, but I have a feeling if I had written 'you're the best mom ever,' this might go a little better for me."

Oh how this reminded me so much of how I respond to God in so many situations. Sometimes we just don't get it. If only I had done it this way, then maybe God would have approved. We don't recognize sin for what it is...SIN. We wonder what we can do to make this go a little better for us. Caleb's heart was in the right place...he just wanted to say hello to his mom, but when corrected he was missing a heart of repentance. May we have hearts that grieve over our sin and not look for ways that this might go a little better for us."

I John 1:8-9 "If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not is us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness."

Too Tired For a Battle Cry!

Here in the "deep south" Saturdays in the fall consist of one thing. FOOTBALL!! War Eagle!! is the battle cry I hear, its all over Facebook, their are Auburn flags flying high (including mine), everyone is decked out in orange and blue and Auburn University is one excited place. People actually pulled into town in their motor homes and began to tailgate on Wednesday. (Do people not have jobs anymore?) Anyway, don't take my cynical attitude wrong, I enjoy Auburn football. My husband use to play for Auburn, so we are fans! But as the rest of the South East is screaming their battle cry today, I am screaming "HELP!" All I see is a pile of dirty laundry, food on the floor, toys everywhere and the remains of what looks like s'mores that my children made for breakfast. (Yes, I slept in!) I am too tired for a battle cry today!

Do you ever feel that way in your walk with Christ? I am too tired to share his name, I am too tired to share my story of how He changed my life. Yes, I am a fan and Yes I love Him, but I am tired! I am reminded today of Isaiah 40:29-31 "He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint."

This is my prayer today! Yes at game time I will say "War Eagle!" But my hearts desire is that I will never be too tired or too weary to yell "His battle cry of salvation."

Slowly Fading

From the title, I bet you thought this was going to be about me and how I was slowly fading at the end of this long week. HA! I am but that is not what this post is about. :)

I will start with a confession! I have a black thumb! Yes, I am southern and on occasions I can grow vegetables. I can shell them, shuck them, freeze them, can them and cook them like "yo Mama" but when it comes to flowers. NO WAY! I kill them every time. My husband says it's because you are suppose to water them, but I have 4 children to water. I can't remember to water flowers. Anyway, this morning Joshua and I were sitting in the swing on the deck waiting for his kindergarten carpool and I noticed that my "Fake" Gerber daisies that I have stuck in a pot of dirt were beginning to fade. They use to be bright colors of red, pink, orange and yellow and neighbors commented on them all the time. Everyone noticed them and thought they were real. I pointed this fade out to Joshua and he said maybe if I hug them they will stand up tall again and not fade. He wrapped those little arms around the big bouquet of flowers and only one was forced to stand tall. Then he said something that I will never forget. "Mommy, do you think if they were "real" flowers they would fade and fall down or would they always be strong and pretty?" I explained to him that "real" flowers do die and they do fall, but with water and food and sunshine they will grow tall, strong and beautiful. Then I was reminded of a verse..."Isaiah 40:6-8 "All men are like grass, and all their glory is like the flowers of the field. The grass withers and the flowers fall, because the breath of the Lord blows on them. Surely the people are grass. The grass wither and the flowers fall, but the word of our God stands forever." I want my life to bring Him glory! I don't want to fade out, but I do want "this flower's glory" to fall so that the glory of the creator can be recognized and praised. If the word of our God is what stands forever, it just makes since to be filled with his word. That is the water, food and sunshine we need. Charles Spurgeon once said, "When you are cut, you should bleed Bible." I pray that we are the "real" flowers that for the sake of His glory will never "Slowly Fade."

If Only I Obeyed That Well!

Joshua is 5 and he is an incredible little boy. I must be honest that from about 18 months until 2 1/2 years of age I had my doubts. We considered an exorcism at one time and spent many days praying over this little boy who would respond with statements such as "Good, I wanted to make Jesus sad." and "Mommy, Jesus says you don't know." and my favorite, "Mommy, I'm trying to make you crazy." We have seen how prayer and consistent discipline does pay off. Now, he never forgets a ma'am or a sir. He always uses please and thank you and he is the most agreeable child I know. I remember what turned the tide for him. When he would disobey, I began to ask him, "Are you obeying or disobeying? What happens when you disobey?" This got his attention every time.

This past weekend he spent the night with Mimi & Papa. While at Books-A-Million he started to have a meltdown over not be allowed to buy some card game. Matthew (our 10 year old who stands for justice in all things) decided to call us with this information and he put Joshua on the phone. I asked Joshua a simple question. "Joshua, are you honoring Mommy and Daddy with your attitude while we are away? Are you honoring Mimi and Papa? Is your attitude honoring to Jesus." He dried up the tears and said..."No, ma'am, I'm sorry, I will honor them." That was it! That fast he changed his attitude and began to have a heart that honored his parents, his grandparents and his Jesus. Oh, how I wish my attitude would change that fast to honor my Jesus and bring glory to Him. "If Only I Obeyed That Well!"

Ephesians 6:1-2 "Children obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor your father and mother which is the first commandment with a promise that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth."

No Mommy Touch My Face!

Ok, so we were the typical young couple, before we had children, who said..."My children will NEVER sleep with me." Well, let me just say...Never say never!! 1o years and 4 boys later we only have 1 little Jacob (2 1/2) remaining in our room. Now I must tell you that our house is small. Matthew sleeps in the single bed in his room and Joshua and Caleb sleep in a double bed in their room, so honestly there is not much room left for poor little Jacob. He sleeps in a toddler bed at the foot of our bed. About 4:00 every morning he crawls into bed with us. Yesterday around 6:00 I felt a little face against my face. I rolled over awaiting the dreaded alarm that would sound 30 minutes later and I felt a little hand pull my face back. And I heard a little sleepy voice say..."No mommy touch my face." I rolled back over treasuring the moment and snuggled up and we enjoyed our slumber.

In that little voice, I could hear the Father saying to me and to you..."Touch my face, come closer, stay a little longer, dwell in my presence." Oh to be so close to our Heavenly Father that we can feel Him touching our face. The comfort and the rest that snuggling close to our Father provides can never be equalled by worldly comfort. I long to remain in His presence and to hear my Father say..."No(not this world), touch my face!"

Psalm 139:7-10 "Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens you are there, if I make my bed in the depths you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the seas, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast."

I Hope Jesus Does Not Fall Out!!

My mother-in-law is a wonderful, strong, positive encourager. She recently found out that she had a hole in her heart. Apparently we are all born with a hole in our heart and sometimes they just never close up. Last Friday she had to go in for surgery to have that hole repaired. The night before the surgery my precious boys were getting a little bit anxious about Grandma having surgery. We were talking about it and Matthew asks "What happens if Grandma doesn't get the hole in her heart repaired?" Now I feel the need to explain before I go any further that Matt and I joke around with our children a lot and they have great sense of humors. So I replied..."I don't know, Jesus might fall out." Well, my boys all laughed hysterically! They have the assurance that this could never happen. They know that their salvation is based on a relationship, not a conditional love that might cause Jesus to remove himself from your heart and life. They know that once you have accepted Christ that it is impossible for Him to "fall out of your heart." I love to joke around with my children, but I love even more that they have an assurance of their salvation and they do not have to live "hoping that Jesus does not fall out!"

Ephesians 2:8-9 "For it is by grace you have been saved through faith and this not of yourselves, it is a gift from God so that no one can boast."