'No More Sorrow, No More Pain"

When our children are just learning to speak we ask them this question, "Who loves you?" They begin to go down the list, Mommy loves me, Daddy loves me, etc. Then we ask them another question. "Who loves you the most?" To which they have all replied "JESUS." That is our prayer, that they would know that Jesus loves them the most and that in return they would love Him the most too. Today I realized just how very specifically this prayer has been answered.

Since Matthew's surgery 2 weeks ago, I have asked him at least 5 times a day, "How are you doing buddy?" To which he always replies, "Mom, I'm fine." Today I ask him to come and sit beside me on the couch. He looked really tired and weary and so I asked "How are you feeling today buddy?" To which he replied, "Mom, I know you are concerned about me, but please stop asking me that. I am fine and even if this tumor takes my life I will be fine." I gasped and said, "Matthew, don't say something like that. I don't even want to think that way." "Mom, no offense to you but if I had to choose between spending time with you or being with Jesus, I would choose Him. Just think about it...in Heaven there is no more sorrow, no more pain. I haven't had much sorrow in my life, but I have had pain. To be with Jesus would be awesome. I long for that day, but I do love you." The whole conversation gave me a very uneasy, grateful, creepy peace. From a spiritual perspective as a mother I know this is the message we have engraved in his heart since he was very young. My heart is so encouraged to KNOW that this is his ultimate desire. I want him to long to be with Jesus. On the other hand, as a mother, this is the very thought process that scares you to death. I don't want to let go and in my heart I truly don't feel that I will have to right now, but none of us are assured of tomorrow. We are all planning to stay, but should be preparing to go. That is how Matthew spends his days. He is here! He is not going anywhere right now, but he is preparing for that day when he will see his king face to face. What an encouragement this should be to all of us. How are we preparing to go? What are we doing to prepare for the day when we meet our King face to face? What are we doing for His kingdom and His glory while we are here? Are we holding on to the people and the things of this world so tightly that fear of letting go interferes with our longing for Jesus? Do we spend our days in meaningless activities or are we seeking to make a difference for Him? One of Matthew's goals this year in planning to stay, but preparing to go is to read through the Bible. He started today. He is committed to this goal. He knows where is strength is found and where true wisdom is acquired. He is also in the process of writing the testimony of what has happened in his life over the last 2 weeks. He wants to turn it in at school as an essay. He also said, "Then it will be ready, if God ever asks me to share it with someone." He is planning to stay, but only for HIS glory. As a mom, I am honored, I stand in awe of God's faithfulness and I am challenged to know my Savior more and long for Him. What will you do in 2011 as you plan to stay, but prepare to go?