Friday, April 8, 2011

"Grace Perfectly Proportioned"

I was at my wits end. I was done. I was weary. I was discouraged and I was ready to through my hands up in defeat. "Last week." It was a normal week full of all our normal activities. School, soccer practice, baseball practice, soccer games, baseball games, field trips, costumes and just the normal things that make up our week, but I hit a breaking point. I was exhausted and honestly I was tired of fighting the enemy at every turn. I was becoming cynical and bitter at life. I love my family, but I wanted our circumstances to change and change fast. They did. My husband boarded a plane and went to Honduras on a mission trip for 7 days. Now I had to do this thing we call life alone. If I thought I was at my wits end last week, how will I ever juggle all of this alone.

When I married Matt 15 years ago I told the Lord that I fully understood that Matt was His first and mine second. That admission has been harder at times to live than it was to confess, but reminding my heart of that promise I have always released my grip freely as the Lord calls him to go and to serve. I love that he hears the voice of his savior and obeys and I will never be the one to stand in the way of his obedience. I hold him palms up at all times. As his obedience led him into a small village in Honduras I became very aware that for the next 7 days it was all me. Wow, was I mistaken. How dare I even think that I could manage this life alone?

My loving Heavenly Father scooped me up and provided His mercies anew every morning. He guided each step and provided the grace I needed to place my feet one in from of the other. This week has been crazy busy, but then again which weeks aren't. We have had practices and games in triplets, we have had sickness, we have had melt downs (not me of course), we have had costumes to make and homework to do, houses to clean, we have kept children, we have cooked dinner, we have bought groceries and we have had a wonderful week watching our Father perfectly proportion His grace for each step we are on. Yes, we have ALL desperately missed our Daddy, but what a joy to be able to pray for him and allow him without begrudging hearts to go and serve. My boys have been working on a special project to surprise their daddy when he comes home. Joshua said, "We need to do something to surprise daddy and thank him for going to another country to serve others and tell them about Jesus since we are too young to go." Oh how my heart overflowed with blessing. Instead of allowing their hearts to become sad, they had a full understanding of what Matt has been called to do and they wanted to find a way to thank him for his obedience. The attitude of their gracious hearts would have been enough.

Grace perfectly proportioned seems to be the theme of my life. At just the right moment, not a moment before and not a moment after, but at the precise moment I need His grace, He is there and He pours it freely. I keep my gaze set on Him. I cry out to Him. He is my strength and my rock. He is my portion forever.

1 comment:

  1. Thank you for sharing!! I am finding myself at my witt's end today and needed the reminder that I am not alone! Thanks again for sharing. God Bless!